20th Century Parent

I had a conversation with a good friend earlier about the kind of parents we want to be. She doesn't have kids yet, but we share similar views on raising children. It prompted me to write a post about the kind of parent I hope/strive to be. I was born in 1989, meaning I spent most of my formative/childhood years in the 20th century. I think my parents did a wonderful job, and while no parent is ever perfect, they came pretty close. They raised 3 children, all of whom graduated college and are now married and leading successful adult lives. This is definitely no accident, and they worked very hard to raise us to be successful people.

It seems to me that a shift in parenting philosophies occurred as we moved into the 21st century. As a former teacher I witnessed this first hand. It seems that many 21st century parents have been bombarded with fears of hurting their children's emotions, wanting to be their friends, and worrying that their children will not like them if they discipline too harshly. Many parents I observed in teaching seemed to always think their children were right, and felt that their children were innocent until proven guilty. My parents did not share these views. They had a few important parenting views that contributed greatly into shaping my brothers and I into the people we are today, and I hope to take these things and put them into practice with my own family.

1. Guilty until proven innocent. Our teachers/authority figures were always right. There were a few rare times when the authority figures were truly wrong, and my parents acknowledged these, but it definitely took effort on our part to prove it. 

2. If we acted up in public, we left. Period, the end. If we threw a tantrum at the store, the mall, a restaurant, anywhere, my parents grabbed us and took us straight home. We were expected to behave, not bribed to do so. And if we didn't, it was sianara to whatever fun activity was happening that day.

3. Parent first, Friend second. Sure my parents wanted to be our friends, and they enjoyed the moments when they were considered our friends during our formative years. And now, as adults we are all GREAT friends. But they were always parents first. If we yelled that they were "ruining" our lives as we stomped up the stairs, they smiled and said "okay, you'll thank me someday." If we told them we hated them in teenage angst, they didn't worry. They knew we would be over it by the time the sun came up. They knew that taking a few years of not being our friends, but being our parents, meant we would be successful, responsible people one day.

4. The battle you should ALWAYS win as a parent is their peer group. My Dad gives this advice to any young parents and it's great advice. They picked their battles,and they certainly never fought all of them. But they always monitored our friends. Because those are the people that have the biggest influence on children as they grow. They never hesitated to call the parents ahead of time to make sure they were home before we went to any party. They flat out refused to let us hang out with certain people. They never gave this fight up. And they won. And we are all better for it.

I know I will make mistakes as a parent. I expect it. But I want to be a 20th century parent. I want to never be afraid of disciplining my children, even if they tell me I am "ruining" their lives through a tear stained face. I am forever grateful to my parents for NOT letting me do all of the things I wanted to do, for allowing me to "hate" them for the day, for fighting the battles to the end that needed to be fought, and for loving us unconditionally.

So even though this little face is as cute as can be, and even though I would walk through fire for her, I pray that I will always remember to be a parent first, tell her "no", and give her the boundaries she desperately needs to grow up to be a successful and respectful member of society. And one day we will be the best of friends, and one day she will thank me for saying "no". Mommy loves you so much Savannah!